FEAR is the one thing that defeats us more than any other thing in the world according to Ralph Waldo Emerson. It is the one thing diminishes our capacity in a heartbeat. It keeps us from speaking up in our relationships; it keeps us from setting boundaries in our life; it keeps us from asking for that big raise or promotion which we deserve, and it keeps us from asking for the sale from our clients. And these are just a few of the end results of living with and in fear. There have been times for me when the fear felt so real that my entire body was quivering and shaking, and I had a lump in my throat the size of a tennis ball and I could hardly breathe. Even I suffer from self-doubt and fear occasionally. And that happened just yesterday.

This past year has been one of tremendous growth for me. Believe me when I tell you that when big changes happen, I get scared. The reason that fear reared its ugly head yesterday was that I became a bit concerned that I wouldn't be able to handle all the big changes that I know are yet to come in my business and life. I'm heading into uncharted territory and I'm quaking in my boots. I even started to second guess myself whether the money I've spent developing my business and myself was worth it. Imagine that. My head knows that I've made the right decisions and know I'm worth it, but there are still times when my old fears come back to bite me in the butt.

We try to hide it and act like it's no big deal, but take my word for it - it is a big deal. The big deal is that we allow it to intimidate us as opposed to moving us forward. It is the difference between taking a calculated risk or living a life mired in mediocrity.

Hiding out and hoping that no one will notice that we doubt our own capabilities serves no purpose other than to reinforce the fear. Fear is a bit like your dirty clothes hamper: if you don't empty it into the washing machine on a regular basis, the pile just keeps getting higher and higher with unwashed clothing. Plus at times fear can multiply faster than cold germs, adding anxiety on top of anxiety until we literally paralyze ourselves into inaction.

The definition of FEAR in Webster's New World Dictionary is anxiety, caused by real or possible danger. I'm not saying that there aren't times when real fear is necessary in order to avoid harm or danger. If we weren't capable of experiencing this emotion, we'd always be putting our hands on the top of a hot stove or fail to apply the brakes while driving our cars. I prefer my own definition of FEAR which is False Expectations Appearing Real.

Herein lies the problem - false expectations and perceived danger. Fear comes up in our lives when we take risks and step out of our familiar territory or comfort zone. It comes up to teach us lessons we need to learn about ourselves to develop more confidence, courage, trust and faith. You have played safe for so long that you don't realize that there is another way to be, but guess what? - there is. There is a way to make fear your friend and not your enemy. Start doing what I call ‘qualifying your fears."

When you get scared and fear shows up, here are some questions that you can ask yourself that will help you determine whether your fear is real or imagined.

1. "Is something happening that feels dangerous to me? If so, what is the danger? Is it real or imagined?" Sometimes it can be your ego trying to keep you from learning, growing and moving forward in your life. 2. "Can this perceived danger cause me harm?" 3. "Is there something I can do to protect myself?" 4. "What is worst thing that could happen to me?" 5. "Will I be able to handle whatever comes up?" The answer for me is always a resounding YES.

Every time you look fear in the eye, you take a stand for what really matters in your life, and start trusting yourself enough to take that first step. And that's most often what our biggest fear is all about - getting ourselves into action and taking the first step towards doing something new and letting our fears propel us forward.

Think about it. You can stand outside of the candy store with your nose pressed against the window or you can gather your courage and walk in and buy that luscious piece of chocolate. It's all about choice.

This week take a good hard look at where fear might be keeping you stuck in your life. Once you conquer your inner fear, you will move from the state of fear into the liberating state of freedom.